Agatha Heterodyne and the Platinum Countess
by spc80
Summary: Tarvek discovers that being pursued isn't much fun.


Agatha Heterodyne and the Platinum Countess of Venice

Agatha was looking forward to a quiet moment alone. In an attempt to convince Tarvek that adventures could be fun, she and her friends had taken him for several days of skiing and exploring in the Italian Alps and were now recuperating under the hospitality of the Platinum Countess. Gil had known the Countess when they were children on Castle Wulfenbach, and she was thrilled to have visitors. Gil hadn't warned the other two that the Countess was the most talkative woman and the most featherbrained Spark Agatha had ever met.

As Agatha hunted for a switch to turn on the electric lights, an unexpected voice made her jump. "Please don't be mad at me, but I needed somewhere to hide." Agatha found the lights and turned to find Tarvek sitting on her bed, looking hunted. "I didn't know where else to go that she wouldn't find me, so I picked the lock and hid here. Please let me stay for a while?"

Agatha took pity and sat down beside him. "You've never been pursued by a woman before, have you?"

"No! I didn't know people meant the term literally! Everywhere I go, she shows up, and she's always trying to touch me, and I'm afraid to say anything because that just seems to encourage her! She's our hostess so I just can't be outright rude, and she's a Spark. She could pull out a death ray any minute if I upset her!"

Agatha snorted and suppressed a smirk. "Oh, I know exactly what you mean. But you're the one who got her attention in the first place, showing off your clanks."

"You know I can't help that when Gil's in the room. How was I supposed to know she'd read all my published papers and had designed her own prosthetic leg based on the principles?"

Agatha could hold back giggles no longer. In spite of himself, Tarvek even smiled a bit as well. Even though she was laughing at him, he knew Agatha sympathized. She always made him feel better.

"Countess Marie warned me that princes hate being fended off. I never expected I'd be consoling that exact same prince about the difficulty of fending off a woman."

Any response Tarvek could have made to that statement was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Lady Heterodyne, may I speak with you?" asked their hostess' delicate, accented voice. Tarvek looked at Agatha, panicked, and she gestured to the wardrobe. He scrambled in, and Agatha opened the door for the Platinum Countess.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Lady Heterodyne, but I was hoping I could ask you some questions about Prince Sturmvoraus. I remember him from Castle Wulfenbach years ago, such a cute little thing, all big glasses and nose in the air, but he grew into quite a man! His papers on biomechanics were just astounding, and I wouldn't be walking without what I learned from them." She hitched the edge of her skirt up to show Agatha the metal leg that had given her the nickname.

Seizing an opportunity to change the subject before the Countess gushed any more about Tarvek or actually asked any embarrassing questions, Agatha risked a breach of propriety and asked, "What did happen to your leg, Countess?"

"Please call me Silvie. All my friends do. It was a crazy accident - I'd designed a more efficient high-speed gearing for our steam carriage, but it still needed a horse to get it started because there just wasn't enough torque at low speeds, and it spooked the horse, and we all ended up in a canal. The doctors did a lovely job with the burns, but they couldn't save the leg and the chair they found me was just intolerable, even with improvements. The steam carriage was all right, though, although I'm still working on the gearing."

While Silvie rattled off the design processes of her platinum leg and her steam carriage at the same time, Tarvek was crouching in the wardrobe trying to think his way out. Agatha was probably enjoying the Spark talk, so he might be in for a long evening if he didn't make a move. This was the first time he'd hidden in a wardrobe since he was a little kid. According to all the novels, it was an experience that should have followed being caught with a lover, but so much for that. Gil would have known what to do here; surely he'd been in this situation plenty of times.

Suddenly it hit him that the obvious reaction might be exactly what he needed, and started unbuttoning his jacket.

Just when Silvie's chatter circled around to Tarvek's virtues again, the wardrobe door opened and Agatha and Silvie jumped. Tarvek strolled out, said "Pardon me, I should probably be going," kissed a speechless Agatha briefly on the lips, and left the room. Neither woman missed that always-impeccable Tarvek had two buttons awry and his tie had clearly been tied in the dark.

Outside the door, Tarvek leaned against the wall to let his foot wake up and broke into a relieved grin at what he'd just accomplished. One terrifying suitor convinced he was already taken, and one kiss from Agatha. He would pay for it later on principle, but Agatha would understand.

The gleeful smile slipped when he focused on what was right in front of him. Gil stood outside Agatha's door holding a book, his gaze riveted on Tarvek's tie. The payment was apparently going to start earlier than he suspected.


End file.
